Fire in the rainbow

Another Thanksgiving come, gone and survived. I felt bad because I did not stay long at mom's, but there were too many people for me on that particular day. Plus, the dog was sick and I didn't want to leave him long. He's like my child, especially now that all my human children are almost grown. All I wanted was for them to grow, grow, grow up, be self sufficient and now? I miss having little kids to take care of. I need to find a hobby now or I fear becoming an alcoholic. No, I'm completely serious here, too much time on my hands = too much alcohol. Too much alcohol = me doing and saying things I regret the next day. Which is of course, the case today. I'm also feeling so blue because the mini vaca from work hell is almost over. I know there is another 5 day vaca in a month but still..........

I did say I love you to him, although it was in french and I wrote it instead of actually saying it. I was feeling bad because I chewed his ass (I really can't chew an ass without feeling remorseful for it) and I thought, even if he doesn't know what it means, I said it. Besides, there's always google right? I am also of the opinion that most people know what J'taime means. I could be wrong as I often am. I will say he has not left me alone since saying it. It could just be because he thinks I'm mad at him. I'm not mad at him, I'm pissed off at the situation and the bad nut. Yes, she's crawled out of the dumpster and is stirring up hate and discontent.
I tried so hard to keep my mouth shut about her to him, tried to sort of be his light at the end of the tunnel and above all not be crazy because he's already drowning in insanity, but I'll be damned if I'm going to sit back and watch her walk all over him and use his children as her bait. Children she can't even be bothered to see and yet thinks she deserves to be paid for. Feck that and feck her . I won't watch her hurt him anymore and if he won't send her back to the cess pool she crawled out of, I will. I believe he and his little girls are one of those things worth fighting for. She does not deserve to even know him and she does not deserve her children. I would, given 1/2 a chance, choke the life out of her with my bare hands. I know it, like I know my own name. She is the most hateful, hurtful, stupid, selfish, spiteful person I've ever known of.

Enough, she's worn me out, loathe is such a tiring emotion. I'm going to go listen (again) to my voice message from the one who turned me upside down, inside out, and made me care again. I think he called as soon as he got out of bed. J'taime. I haven't decided if I'm calling him back though. I always give in too soon and I really do want him to think about it this time. If he wants to continue to let her control his life that's up to him, but I will not let her control mine. And for all my bravado, I really can't do anything about her, he has to do it. I can light a fire under him though and I'm always ready to strike the match.


I'm going to leave you with this:
If a man is in the woods and speaks without a woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Love,
Cow punk