Maybe this year

Another one bites the dust and another one gone and another one gone. It turned out to be not such a bad Christmas after all. I spent it with people I love and care about, there is nothing better that you could give me than that. I just want one more thing for the holidays and that's a nice new year's eve.

I spent the Eve having lunch with my daughter and shopping. What else do you do with your teenage daughter who you've just given money to? I'll tell you, you give the Rolling stone tongue to little old ladies at Sonic drive thrus. You mouth off at rude ass old ladies in huge Cadillac SUV, who nearly run over you in the Old time pottery parking lot, because rude ass can't wait to get to the grocery store to buy her cranberry juice for her cocktails later that evening. You make 16 yo daughter look at Comforter after comforter to help you buy just the right one. When she says to you in all seriousness, "Mom, this one is gorgeous, it's just not for me, it's too old", you know you have found the perfect one. You also have the "sex, please wait on it but if you find you just can't wait, please talk to me first, before you do it" talk. She promised on my grandmother's bible she would talk to me first. I'm thinking she means it. It was a very lovely day, I wish I had more of them with her. I think that's a wish I can make come true.

I spent Eve night with my Hot teacher and his son curled up on the couch watching Dog, the bounty hunter. It was a wedding episode. Good Lord....that guy doesn't have any ego problems, nor does his more than ample wife. Beth is a whole lotta woman. She could throw a man around and then kill him with her tatas. Those things were huge. HT likes the big tatas but he says hers scare him.

Hot teacher and I had our first fight the night before. Really, it wasn't a fight....it was me saying exactly what was on my mind and kicking his ass back in to shape. I figured that would be the last I would hear from him unless he was a glutton for punishment. He is, as it turns out, a glutton. I'm very happy that he is. He picked me up Wed night, I'm not sure why he picks me up, except he just gets so excited to see me. Anyway, when he picked me up he grunted, I said I've gained 10 lbs. He then bold faced lied to me and said he couldn't see one extra pound on me. I said you just grunted, have you ever grunted when you picked me up before? He said, can we just leave it at I think you're the sexiest most beautiful woman I know? End of conversation.

I walked into my bedroom last Sunday night to clean it because I was supposed to have company on Monday and yes, I was having company in my bedroom. I realized that the bedroom looked like it belonged to a 13 yo circus performer. Which I guess for the past two years, that's exactly what I've been . A 13 yo trapeze artist. My wonderfully awesome Aunt gave me 125.00 bucks for Christmas. I could do what ever I wanted with it. I thought about really expensive moisturizer, I thought about carpet cleaners, I thought about buying Christmas gifts with it. But Sunday night, I knew I would redo the big tent with it. A new comforter, a coat of paint, my grandma gave me two new end tables and 2 beautiful floor lamps. She also gave me a gorgeous mirror. Now all I need is a few more pillows, some new artwork, and viola, a room fit for a queen and company I might add. So this morning I am headed off to Hell mart for paint and all the things you need to paint a boudoir fit for a queen. Too bad I don't have lackey's to do the painting for me.

Was, not was, was.

Love,
Cow Punk

Maybe next year

It looks like Father Christmas puked all over my living room right now. I just can't seem to make myself do anything about it either. I mean it is getting there, but I just am not in the mood. I started this mess at 1 pm yesterday. Silly. Of course I slept in between. I know a good Martha would not sleep until the deco was complete, but Martha can either get her butt over here and finish it or she can kiss it my ample backside. I am at least down to getting all the empty boxes back to the storage area...read the garage. I really don't like Christmas, more than usual this year. I keep hoping for a good Christmas, maybe next year.




Standing in the middle of life with my plans behind me.

Love,
Cow Punk

Morning rant

I got up early to write this morning and now I have nothing to say. I had really active weird dreams all night. All of my family and ex boyfriend made and appearance. Ex was having windshield problems. He also had a nice old house. He does in fact have an old house...but not really a nice one. I'd really rather not dream of him. I'm thinking a lot of new boyfriend, so not really sure why I wouldn't dream of him....I'd much rather.

Two old friends dropped by in the last week, that made me really happy in an other wise week from hell. Seriously what a week. It started with me breaking my coffee pot. I hate that. It's the second one in about 3 mos. and 10 bucks to replace. Now ten bucks is not a lot really in the grand scheme of things, but at Christmas 2 bucks is a lot. Unless of course you are at the 2 buck saloon, which is not where we are. Maybe I should change the name of the joint? Also, I was sick Monday, my head felt as if it would be a relief if it would just go ahead and explode. Tuesday was alright I guess, I was quiet and did a lot of thinking. Yesterday I got up late (by choice) and then remembered I had to be at the school for a meeting in 45 min. That was lovely. Then last night I just let myself slip into a depression. It's ok though, I think I've slept it off. There really was no reason for it....anyway.
A friend has asked if I am planning a wonderful Christmas and truthfully, no I'm not. The best part of Christmas for me is the time off. We have 5 days off this year. Now that's what I call a Christmas present. The second best part of Xmas is when it's OVER. No, I still haven't gotten out all the pretties. This weekend. I have to, Christmas is at my house this year. Oh joy to the world.

I'm still thinking a lot about Hot teacher and he's thinking about me too, but not until after I pulled my fabulous disappearing act. Why do we have to do this to get them to wonder? My son says because women have a tendency to chatter at them. They tune us out but if it stops they miss the chatter. It sounds fairly viable. Especially after watching my Aunt and Uncle. Auntie is a pro at chatter but I did notice she turns her attention from Uncle quite often. He watches TV and if she doesn't say something directly to him for 10 min. he's up out of the chair seeking her attention. It's entertaining and educational. I'm really just an idiot when it come to men and relationships. The last relationship was one sided and I took two years in between. So. Also hot teacher and I are a lot a like and have been through very similar experiences. We have a tendency to react in similar fashions. I feel as if I am always dealing with myself when dealing with him. I haven't really dealt with myself in well, oddly enough about 2 years. I spent most of that time drunk anyway. I don't really feel like drinking anymore though. Talking to others who have been through a bad break up, I've come to the conclusion that getting drunk for extended periods of time is really just part of the healing process. I'm actually just ready to be standing in reality again. And dealing with it. I've found that reality can actually sometimes be a nice place. Unless I'm at work.

I'm going to be seriously looking for new employment after the first of the year. And having others look for me. I can really no longer tolerate going to that place and dealing with those people every day any more.

Thanks for reading my rants if you should stop by.

Love,
Cow Punk

Bras, cops, smiles and a lot of confusion

All that talk of bras yesterday and I didn't buy a single one. Not one. None fit. I did however come across a cop shopping for bras. She was a 36D, she said she was also having a hard time finding one to fit. I said aren't we lucky and she said she couldn't complain, she'd made it that way. Great, cops with boob jobs, I feel so much safer. Of course, they might save her someday. I guess it's back to Hellmart for me. I saw a bra there last week I loved. Go figure.

Then of course there was the Burka wearing girl at Victoria's Secrets. That just really blew my mind. A shop full of skivvies and this girl is covered from head to toe. It seemed a bit hypocritical, is that word I'm looking for? I had an urge to ask her if she was wearing VS under that 50 lbs of robe. I suppressed the urge. She seemed like a very nice girl and the only sales clerk to actually speak to me. I also suppressed the urge to spend 50 bucks on a bra.

This is a true story. I have a friend who is over weight, she went in to VS to shop for a friend and the sales girl (who was not wearing a burka) asked her to leave as she was a distraction to the skinny customers and they had nothing for her anyway. So I guess the moral of the story is VS is discriminatory of fat people but not religion? Hmmm.

I did buy some outrageously expensive make-up. Prescriptives? I think. It's just tinted moisturizer. I don't know why it costs so much. I told the girl at the counter I was very confused by make up and she said, Oh, I see that. What? I walked away. Buuuuuuuut, I came back, because I love Estee Lauder and this is Estee Lauder for people with weirdo skin (and because as usual I couldn't get anyone to help me at the Clinique counter, which was ok, because I remembered while waiting I really didn't like Clinique moisterizer anyway) . Make up girl looked as if she might be a bit confused about make up as well, so I forgave her. Plus she gave me some free stuff and I always dig free stuff. This make up better be a magic elixir for the price.

What surprised me most yesterday is how friendly everyone was. Christmas rush, everyone is broke and in a frenzy, yet there were smiles every where. Very nice, it warms this Ebeneezer Scrooge heart of mine.

I finished the day with Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid...one of my all time faves, well really anything with Paul Newman is my favorite. I think there are not enough words in any language to describe how fantastically awesome I think he is.

Well, I'm out, I need to clean, clean so I can drag all the pretty Christmas deco out and make another mess :-)~

Love,
Cow Punk

Wait? What?

There was a girl working at Victoria Secret's in a Burka, yes a burka, traditional Muslim wear....I just have to ask WTF?

Dancing Hookers, pimps, wonky eyes, birthday correlation and silly putty

Saturday! Yay! No particular thing to do or anywhere to go. Going to shop for a new bra. It's exciting to me ok? I usually only get a bra once a year, well until I started buying Hellmart bras. I'd like to have a VS bra but I can't see myself spending 40-50 bucks on a bra. Although it would probably last a while longer than Ol happy, bouncy evil smiley face's bra. But, if I spent that much on a bra I'd have to buy a practical bra, you know beige, boring and that's not what I want. I want something red and lacy. I'm tired of practical lingerie. But on the other hand HT b/f hates bras and thinks they should be outlawed. I sent him the link to VS website but I don't think it did much to change his mind. He just doesn't care what it looks like, he takes it off of me and doesn't give it another thought. I prodded him a bit and he said red. I like it when he agrees with me.

I splurged last night and bought 20 bucks worth of lacy, silky panties. I can't remember the last time I did that....I always buy a package of 7 Hanes, cotton things. I hate them. I hate cotton undies. They'll never get their Hanes on me again! Take that Michael Jordan! He and I have the same birthday, we also share it with Deniece Richards, Taylor from the foos and Wonky eye Paris Hilton. Interestingly enough I also have a wonky eye. I can look in two different directions at the same time. Some call this freaky, I call it talent. I wonder if Michael, Taylor and Deniece have wonky eyes? Maybe everyone born on that day has a wonky eye? That day is actually a cusp between two Zodiac signs, maybe that's why our eyes are looking in two directions?

So, I took pictures of me in these silky lacy things to send to HT, yes, I do things like that. He likes it, and being that I'm border line narcissistic I like it too. Plus, I know he's going to look at porn, men like to look at scantily clad or naked women and I figure he might as well be looking at me.

So here I am running around in my undies, bra and thigh high fishnets and hooker shoes and the dog decides he must go out. Dog will sometimes not go out by himself even if he's crossing his knees to keep from having a accident. Can dogs cross their knees?
I threw on my pimp coat, it is a pimp coat, big, fake white fur with Dalmatian like spots, my son wore it to school for dress up career day and yes he went as a pimp. (disclaimer: son is not actually aspiring to be a pimp) I go outside in nothing but the pimp coat, undies, fishnets and bra. It's a good thing the neighbors couldn't see me, otherwise I'm quite sure they would've called the police.

911: what is your emergency?
Neighbor: There is a dancing hooker in my neighbor's yard!
911: Are you sure it's not your neighbor?
Neighbor: My neighbor never wears anything but gigantic baggy sweat pants and a huge baggy nike shirt. It's a dancing hooker I tell ya. Quick, send a squad car!

The dog finishes, we come in and I upload all the pics to send to HT and it won't go...error message. I guess my ass was too big to send across the internet universe. I stopped trying after about the 6th time because I thought what if it's actually gone and he has 6 emails full of nothing but my ass? What if he thinks I'm smoking crack?

He's a little perverted and I'm a little narcissistic but I don't think 60 pics of my back side is necessarily a good thing.

It may be a good thing the email didn't go anyway. The relationship is not feeling exactly right and maybe it's time for me to fly. Or maybe not. I'm not sure how I feel or how he feels and there is never really a time for us to have a talk. Maybe it's just time to step away for a while, maybe when he's gotten his life back we can start again. The problem for me is I don't see him ever getting his life back and as much as I care for him, my patience is running very thin. I definitely need more than he can give me right now. Lately, I'm feeling like even if he could give it to me, he wouldn't. Or maybe it's just me? I also feel like I'm entertaining him all of the time...which is fine for a narcissistic, attention seeking freak, but I like to be entertained as well and he's not filling that need. He's also not talking much, however, I know he is quite stressed right now and really not feeling or acting like himself. Am I making excuses? Honestly I don't know.

Another problem I have is there are not many guys I flip for. There are guys I like but none that completely make my heart do cartwheels. HT is rare for me. So, I'm sort of in a quandary. Do I date some of these other guys and maybe I'll fall for one of them after I get to know them? Do I settle for someone who doesn't give me butterflies? I don't think I can, I need the butterflies, I need the cartwheels and my eyes absolutely have to adore the person I'm with. Maybe that's shallow, but it's the way it is. I guess, I'll just wait it out at least for a little while. I do think he's worth the time and maybe I can stretch my patience a little thinner. I'll just pretend I'm silly putty. And I ask you what are the odds of finding another man who doesn't think my boobs need to be pushed and shoved up under my chin to be sexy and my pot belly is cute? The odds are slim me thinks.

I feel compelled to tell you, there was no one home last night but me. No pimp son, no 16 going on 35 daughter or the son who would live in my basement forever, if I had one. Nope, no, not, no one but me.

Love,
Cow Punk

***there was no vodak or any other type of liquor involved in any of these shenanigans***

Cheese

The cable guy left...finally. It took 6 hours and............there is now no sound coming from my TV. It worked fine when he left. Something happened when they loaded all the channels I guess. The phone works though. That's good, I guess, although I'm not much of a phone kind of girl myself. I sort of like the thought of no one but the peeps I want to have my phone number tho. I also got to watch tv from my bed last night. Although it was something dumb...House Haulin' I think. They moved a 100 yo old house made of logs and stone away from a 100 ft. cliff. It was very dramatic. And the man, bless his heart, he did really love that house. It kept raining and raining. They did get it moved though. YAY! for them. It was a very unique beautiful old house. I was actually hoping for If walls could talk tho...LOVE that show. If my walls could talk they would call me a dumb ass and tell me to get a handy man out here stat. Anyhoo....speaking of dumb asses....AT&T had the phone wiring so screwed up that my house could've burned down at any time. The main line wasn't even grounded. The thing is I've had them out here several times and not one time did any of the repair men notice??? The cable man may not have been exciting or cute, but at least he cared and knew wth he was doing. I was trying to think who this cable man looked like and he just looked like an extra from a viet nam era movie. Speaking of looking like....Vanna White? That woman has had so much plastic surgery she no longer looks like herself. Good Lord. I don't think I'd seen WOF in about 25 years. It was still as cheesy and boring as it ever was. My apologies if you like this show. I myself am a fan of The price is right. It is also cheesy as a quesadilla.

Well, the house has all the sudden been filled with teenagers....so my train of thought is completely busted.

Love,
Cow punk