Dancing Hookers, pimps, wonky eyes, birthday correlation and silly putty

Saturday! Yay! No particular thing to do or anywhere to go. Going to shop for a new bra. It's exciting to me ok? I usually only get a bra once a year, well until I started buying Hellmart bras. I'd like to have a VS bra but I can't see myself spending 40-50 bucks on a bra. Although it would probably last a while longer than Ol happy, bouncy evil smiley face's bra. But, if I spent that much on a bra I'd have to buy a practical bra, you know beige, boring and that's not what I want. I want something red and lacy. I'm tired of practical lingerie. But on the other hand HT b/f hates bras and thinks they should be outlawed. I sent him the link to VS website but I don't think it did much to change his mind. He just doesn't care what it looks like, he takes it off of me and doesn't give it another thought. I prodded him a bit and he said red. I like it when he agrees with me.

I splurged last night and bought 20 bucks worth of lacy, silky panties. I can't remember the last time I did that....I always buy a package of 7 Hanes, cotton things. I hate them. I hate cotton undies. They'll never get their Hanes on me again! Take that Michael Jordan! He and I have the same birthday, we also share it with Deniece Richards, Taylor from the foos and Wonky eye Paris Hilton. Interestingly enough I also have a wonky eye. I can look in two different directions at the same time. Some call this freaky, I call it talent. I wonder if Michael, Taylor and Deniece have wonky eyes? Maybe everyone born on that day has a wonky eye? That day is actually a cusp between two Zodiac signs, maybe that's why our eyes are looking in two directions?

So, I took pictures of me in these silky lacy things to send to HT, yes, I do things like that. He likes it, and being that I'm border line narcissistic I like it too. Plus, I know he's going to look at porn, men like to look at scantily clad or naked women and I figure he might as well be looking at me.

So here I am running around in my undies, bra and thigh high fishnets and hooker shoes and the dog decides he must go out. Dog will sometimes not go out by himself even if he's crossing his knees to keep from having a accident. Can dogs cross their knees?
I threw on my pimp coat, it is a pimp coat, big, fake white fur with Dalmatian like spots, my son wore it to school for dress up career day and yes he went as a pimp. (disclaimer: son is not actually aspiring to be a pimp) I go outside in nothing but the pimp coat, undies, fishnets and bra. It's a good thing the neighbors couldn't see me, otherwise I'm quite sure they would've called the police.

911: what is your emergency?
Neighbor: There is a dancing hooker in my neighbor's yard!
911: Are you sure it's not your neighbor?
Neighbor: My neighbor never wears anything but gigantic baggy sweat pants and a huge baggy nike shirt. It's a dancing hooker I tell ya. Quick, send a squad car!

The dog finishes, we come in and I upload all the pics to send to HT and it won't go...error message. I guess my ass was too big to send across the internet universe. I stopped trying after about the 6th time because I thought what if it's actually gone and he has 6 emails full of nothing but my ass? What if he thinks I'm smoking crack?

He's a little perverted and I'm a little narcissistic but I don't think 60 pics of my back side is necessarily a good thing.

It may be a good thing the email didn't go anyway. The relationship is not feeling exactly right and maybe it's time for me to fly. Or maybe not. I'm not sure how I feel or how he feels and there is never really a time for us to have a talk. Maybe it's just time to step away for a while, maybe when he's gotten his life back we can start again. The problem for me is I don't see him ever getting his life back and as much as I care for him, my patience is running very thin. I definitely need more than he can give me right now. Lately, I'm feeling like even if he could give it to me, he wouldn't. Or maybe it's just me? I also feel like I'm entertaining him all of the time...which is fine for a narcissistic, attention seeking freak, but I like to be entertained as well and he's not filling that need. He's also not talking much, however, I know he is quite stressed right now and really not feeling or acting like himself. Am I making excuses? Honestly I don't know.

Another problem I have is there are not many guys I flip for. There are guys I like but none that completely make my heart do cartwheels. HT is rare for me. So, I'm sort of in a quandary. Do I date some of these other guys and maybe I'll fall for one of them after I get to know them? Do I settle for someone who doesn't give me butterflies? I don't think I can, I need the butterflies, I need the cartwheels and my eyes absolutely have to adore the person I'm with. Maybe that's shallow, but it's the way it is. I guess, I'll just wait it out at least for a little while. I do think he's worth the time and maybe I can stretch my patience a little thinner. I'll just pretend I'm silly putty. And I ask you what are the odds of finding another man who doesn't think my boobs need to be pushed and shoved up under my chin to be sexy and my pot belly is cute? The odds are slim me thinks.

I feel compelled to tell you, there was no one home last night but me. No pimp son, no 16 going on 35 daughter or the son who would live in my basement forever, if I had one. Nope, no, not, no one but me.

Love,
Cow Punk

***there was no vodak or any other type of liquor involved in any of these shenanigans***