Bras, cops, smiles and a lot of confusion

All that talk of bras yesterday and I didn't buy a single one. Not one. None fit. I did however come across a cop shopping for bras. She was a 36D, she said she was also having a hard time finding one to fit. I said aren't we lucky and she said she couldn't complain, she'd made it that way. Great, cops with boob jobs, I feel so much safer. Of course, they might save her someday. I guess it's back to Hellmart for me. I saw a bra there last week I loved. Go figure.

Then of course there was the Burka wearing girl at Victoria's Secrets. That just really blew my mind. A shop full of skivvies and this girl is covered from head to toe. It seemed a bit hypocritical, is that word I'm looking for? I had an urge to ask her if she was wearing VS under that 50 lbs of robe. I suppressed the urge. She seemed like a very nice girl and the only sales clerk to actually speak to me. I also suppressed the urge to spend 50 bucks on a bra.

This is a true story. I have a friend who is over weight, she went in to VS to shop for a friend and the sales girl (who was not wearing a burka) asked her to leave as she was a distraction to the skinny customers and they had nothing for her anyway. So I guess the moral of the story is VS is discriminatory of fat people but not religion? Hmmm.

I did buy some outrageously expensive make-up. Prescriptives? I think. It's just tinted moisturizer. I don't know why it costs so much. I told the girl at the counter I was very confused by make up and she said, Oh, I see that. What? I walked away. Buuuuuuuut, I came back, because I love Estee Lauder and this is Estee Lauder for people with weirdo skin (and because as usual I couldn't get anyone to help me at the Clinique counter, which was ok, because I remembered while waiting I really didn't like Clinique moisterizer anyway) . Make up girl looked as if she might be a bit confused about make up as well, so I forgave her. Plus she gave me some free stuff and I always dig free stuff. This make up better be a magic elixir for the price.

What surprised me most yesterday is how friendly everyone was. Christmas rush, everyone is broke and in a frenzy, yet there were smiles every where. Very nice, it warms this Ebeneezer Scrooge heart of mine.

I finished the day with Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid...one of my all time faves, well really anything with Paul Newman is my favorite. I think there are not enough words in any language to describe how fantastically awesome I think he is.

Well, I'm out, I need to clean, clean so I can drag all the pretty Christmas deco out and make another mess :-)~

Love,
Cow Punk

Wait? What?

There was a girl working at Victoria Secret's in a Burka, yes a burka, traditional Muslim wear....I just have to ask WTF?

Dancing Hookers, pimps, wonky eyes, birthday correlation and silly putty

Saturday! Yay! No particular thing to do or anywhere to go. Going to shop for a new bra. It's exciting to me ok? I usually only get a bra once a year, well until I started buying Hellmart bras. I'd like to have a VS bra but I can't see myself spending 40-50 bucks on a bra. Although it would probably last a while longer than Ol happy, bouncy evil smiley face's bra. But, if I spent that much on a bra I'd have to buy a practical bra, you know beige, boring and that's not what I want. I want something red and lacy. I'm tired of practical lingerie. But on the other hand HT b/f hates bras and thinks they should be outlawed. I sent him the link to VS website but I don't think it did much to change his mind. He just doesn't care what it looks like, he takes it off of me and doesn't give it another thought. I prodded him a bit and he said red. I like it when he agrees with me.

I splurged last night and bought 20 bucks worth of lacy, silky panties. I can't remember the last time I did that....I always buy a package of 7 Hanes, cotton things. I hate them. I hate cotton undies. They'll never get their Hanes on me again! Take that Michael Jordan! He and I have the same birthday, we also share it with Deniece Richards, Taylor from the foos and Wonky eye Paris Hilton. Interestingly enough I also have a wonky eye. I can look in two different directions at the same time. Some call this freaky, I call it talent. I wonder if Michael, Taylor and Deniece have wonky eyes? Maybe everyone born on that day has a wonky eye? That day is actually a cusp between two Zodiac signs, maybe that's why our eyes are looking in two directions?

So, I took pictures of me in these silky lacy things to send to HT, yes, I do things like that. He likes it, and being that I'm border line narcissistic I like it too. Plus, I know he's going to look at porn, men like to look at scantily clad or naked women and I figure he might as well be looking at me.

So here I am running around in my undies, bra and thigh high fishnets and hooker shoes and the dog decides he must go out. Dog will sometimes not go out by himself even if he's crossing his knees to keep from having a accident. Can dogs cross their knees?
I threw on my pimp coat, it is a pimp coat, big, fake white fur with Dalmatian like spots, my son wore it to school for dress up career day and yes he went as a pimp. (disclaimer: son is not actually aspiring to be a pimp) I go outside in nothing but the pimp coat, undies, fishnets and bra. It's a good thing the neighbors couldn't see me, otherwise I'm quite sure they would've called the police.

911: what is your emergency?
Neighbor: There is a dancing hooker in my neighbor's yard!
911: Are you sure it's not your neighbor?
Neighbor: My neighbor never wears anything but gigantic baggy sweat pants and a huge baggy nike shirt. It's a dancing hooker I tell ya. Quick, send a squad car!

The dog finishes, we come in and I upload all the pics to send to HT and it won't go...error message. I guess my ass was too big to send across the internet universe. I stopped trying after about the 6th time because I thought what if it's actually gone and he has 6 emails full of nothing but my ass? What if he thinks I'm smoking crack?

He's a little perverted and I'm a little narcissistic but I don't think 60 pics of my back side is necessarily a good thing.

It may be a good thing the email didn't go anyway. The relationship is not feeling exactly right and maybe it's time for me to fly. Or maybe not. I'm not sure how I feel or how he feels and there is never really a time for us to have a talk. Maybe it's just time to step away for a while, maybe when he's gotten his life back we can start again. The problem for me is I don't see him ever getting his life back and as much as I care for him, my patience is running very thin. I definitely need more than he can give me right now. Lately, I'm feeling like even if he could give it to me, he wouldn't. Or maybe it's just me? I also feel like I'm entertaining him all of the time...which is fine for a narcissistic, attention seeking freak, but I like to be entertained as well and he's not filling that need. He's also not talking much, however, I know he is quite stressed right now and really not feeling or acting like himself. Am I making excuses? Honestly I don't know.

Another problem I have is there are not many guys I flip for. There are guys I like but none that completely make my heart do cartwheels. HT is rare for me. So, I'm sort of in a quandary. Do I date some of these other guys and maybe I'll fall for one of them after I get to know them? Do I settle for someone who doesn't give me butterflies? I don't think I can, I need the butterflies, I need the cartwheels and my eyes absolutely have to adore the person I'm with. Maybe that's shallow, but it's the way it is. I guess, I'll just wait it out at least for a little while. I do think he's worth the time and maybe I can stretch my patience a little thinner. I'll just pretend I'm silly putty. And I ask you what are the odds of finding another man who doesn't think my boobs need to be pushed and shoved up under my chin to be sexy and my pot belly is cute? The odds are slim me thinks.

I feel compelled to tell you, there was no one home last night but me. No pimp son, no 16 going on 35 daughter or the son who would live in my basement forever, if I had one. Nope, no, not, no one but me.

Love,
Cow Punk

***there was no vodak or any other type of liquor involved in any of these shenanigans***

Cheese

The cable guy left...finally. It took 6 hours and............there is now no sound coming from my TV. It worked fine when he left. Something happened when they loaded all the channels I guess. The phone works though. That's good, I guess, although I'm not much of a phone kind of girl myself. I sort of like the thought of no one but the peeps I want to have my phone number tho. I also got to watch tv from my bed last night. Although it was something dumb...House Haulin' I think. They moved a 100 yo old house made of logs and stone away from a 100 ft. cliff. It was very dramatic. And the man, bless his heart, he did really love that house. It kept raining and raining. They did get it moved though. YAY! for them. It was a very unique beautiful old house. I was actually hoping for If walls could talk tho...LOVE that show. If my walls could talk they would call me a dumb ass and tell me to get a handy man out here stat. Anyhoo....speaking of dumb asses....AT&T had the phone wiring so screwed up that my house could've burned down at any time. The main line wasn't even grounded. The thing is I've had them out here several times and not one time did any of the repair men notice??? The cable man may not have been exciting or cute, but at least he cared and knew wth he was doing. I was trying to think who this cable man looked like and he just looked like an extra from a viet nam era movie. Speaking of looking like....Vanna White? That woman has had so much plastic surgery she no longer looks like herself. Good Lord. I don't think I'd seen WOF in about 25 years. It was still as cheesy and boring as it ever was. My apologies if you like this show. I myself am a fan of The price is right. It is also cheesy as a quesadilla.

Well, the house has all the sudden been filled with teenagers....so my train of thought is completely busted.

Love,
Cow punk

Shelly's head

Well, I'm sitting here waiting for the cable guy to boot me out of this chair so he can install my internet, I thought, why not wax poetic? Trouble is I'm not waxy and I'm certainly not poetic. The cable guy has been here since 1 o'clock, I'm not sure what the problem is. He is running through my house like he's doing the 50 yard dash. The dog is rather fond of him though. I sort of wish he'd hurry as I have places to go. The upside is I had to leave work to let him in. So, I've been spending a lot of time at the Lonesome Hotel over on RT23, it's nice to catch up sometimes.

So, I've been thinking about actually apologizing to the man who's turned me upside down and inside out for chewing his already tiny hiney. He's so skittish anyway, I probably ought not have done that. I did send cookies his way as a sort of peace offering. He just keeps saying thank you. Poor guy. I've gone and given him a cookie complex of some sort. I also bought him a card, that I'm going to actually snail mail to him. But, I think I'm actually going to give in and verbally apologize to him. I don't do that very often, but then I don't generally chew someone's ass either. No, really. Jennifer don't you say a word. I hear you snickering. Trouble is of course I couldn't beat the living daylights out of, oh well never mind, so I took it all out on him.


Speaking of complexes.....I took an online personality test yesterday and I have some sort of schizzo something or other, it's not phrenia.....some other type of schitzoid disorder. Apparently, I am afraid of close relations outside of my family, I am generally frightened of people, I prefer to be alone inside my head, I have a love of the occult and magic and I'm very strange and I dig it too much. Since when was believing in magic a personality disorder and who decided this? Can they prove magic is not real? I thought not. I am also borderline narcistic and obsessive compulsive. So when describing myself from now on I am going to say I am a narcistic, obsessive, frightened, magical freak who lives inside her own head. Does anyone remember Herman's Head? I loved that show so much. And of course, it was canceled after the 1st season.

The cable guy sure makes a lot of weird noises. I am frightened of him a little bit. No, not really, he's just sort of old and probably tired from the track meet today. Usually, the cable peeps send out young guys who look like Nascar drivers. They once sent one out who looked like Dale Jr. except some how cuter. I was totally unexpectant of this and answered the door in a white t-shirt without a bra. (I was much younger then and the girls were still up there if ya know what I mean) I didn't think he was ever going to leave. I had a boyfriend at the time though unfortunately, otherwise, I wouldn't have wanted him to leave bada bing...What is it with cable guys and getting them out of your house? Oh and they once sent out a guy who looked exactly like Morgan Freeman. Morgan Freeman is not a nascar driver nor does he look like one or even play one on tv that I'm aware of. He did flip his car not long ago though. I don't know how I know these things, seeing how I live in my head and all.

Love,
Cow Punk

Cookies for breakfast

No vodak or soaps yesterday. Only work and a boss and an ass who drive me insane. The Ass was not much of an ass yesterday. I think because I am trying my best to be nice to her.

I did have a visitor last night. My dad and he bought pizza. The pizza was good but it gave me a terrifying heart burn. Of course I had 5 chocolate, chocolate chip cookies for breakfast and that possibly contributed to the terror. Anyhoo, there is a lot of pizza left so I can have it for lunch. Not even 7 and I'm already looking forward to lunch.

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate my job? If not, let me just tell you, I HATE MY JOB. After Christmas I will search for a new employment. Life is too short to spend it with either: (A) Married to someone you don't love and never will or (B) A job that you hate and people who make you want to either choke them or even yourself in order to escape them. I took care of A once upon a time, now I will take care of B. I think I would like to work for a school district. Lots of vacation time. Speaking of which, I need to take care of finishing enrolling in my College Courses.

That's all, I'm sorry I keep bitching about my job. But it's my blog and I'll bitch if I want to. No one's around here much anyway, at least that I'm aware of. Could just be the vodak though.

Love,
Cow Punk

None such

I really, really don't want to go to work today. I know I've just had 4 days off but I want 5, hell I really want 2 weeks. I really don't want to ever go back again. I don't mind working, I just mind working at this job. I think I will tap my heels together 3 times and say, "There's no place like a greenhouse".

It is snowing out this morning...yeah, snow, 4 days off work and Mother Nature decides today, Monday, when everyone has to go out to dump snow on us. Lovely. Here's the best part, cold as a well diggers ass in January today and 65 tomorrow. WTF? My sinus's are going nuts.

I might be a bit grumpy this morning. D-dog is pacing the floor, what the hell does a dog have to pace the floor about anyway? He's clean, dry, fed, watered and loved. He gets to lounge on the couch all day. Later my dad will bring him a pound of turkey from the deli. What does he have to be nervous for? Maybe it's the anticipation of the turkey. Good grief. I wish I could lounge on the couch all day. No really, I do. Lounge all day and eat the two batches of cookies I baked over the weekend.

I feel like I've been kicked in the ribs by a donkey this morning.
I'd rather clean up horse shit in the freezing cold, all day, than go to work, is that wrong of me?

Seriously, why can't I just stay home and watch TV all day long? I haven't watched a soap opera since they canceled Santa Barbra , but I'd just love to today. I think Eden moved to Port Charles, I could catch up with my old friend and hear of her beautifully tragic life. I could drink Vodka all day and wait for Vladmir to peer through the french doors at me. He hasn't glared at me since Nov. 4th. I miss you Puti poot. Oh the huge manatee.

My last few minutes of freedom are up, I must leave now and oh so grudgingly go face reality.

There's no place like a greenhouse, there's no place like a greenhouse.

Love,
Cow Punk